I <3 Apples

Thursday 3 November 2016
我…错了？

为什么不好好吃饭…

我…是不是做错了？

真的，像是我先放弃的吗？明明最不愿意放手的人是我

真的，是我辜负了你吗？明明被伤害的是我

真的，是我错了吗？明明就只是按照你说的在妈妈和你之间做了选择

为什么，知道你过得不好，我没有一丝的喜悦，我只有心疼。

心疼你。

03:07;

Tuesday 10 May 2016
第10天

This is the tenth day since I last heard your voice.. My exams ended, you bombarded me with a text asking me to deal with my mum and making me make an impossible decision between you or my parents.. It's the 4th day grandfather left.. And my world is in chaos.. I'm at a situation where I have to hold back all emotions and I'm dying inside.. I cry almost everyday while I re-lived every happy moment with you, I cry everytime when I realised that if I choose to be with you I would most likely to have to live with this kind of situation where you get stressed and don't talk to me for the rest of my life. I cry when I realised that if I choose to leave you now, I will be abandoning the love of my life to pursue the possible happiness in the future.

You are the perfect man with a fatal flaw which makes you both a dream and a nightmare, you dote me like no one would, but you also hurt me like no one would..

I still receive no phone call from you, all I got was a cold emotionless text that sounded like a stranger from the man I love when you were informed of the lost of a beloved family member in my family..

But after all this I still miss you, I still cared for you. As much as I want you to be here by my side, but I know it wouldn't be good for you if you are here.. I want to tell you all this but I am afraid that you will only see it as an excuse.

I want to hear your voice..

I miss you and I still stupidly love you after all the damage you have done on me

04:14;

Monday 25 January 2016
消失

I've never wanted to disappear this much.. But I want to disappear.. Now... I want to go somewhere where nobody can find me, where no one knows who I am, what I've been through..

Don't get me wrong, I don't want to die , I just want to disappear.. Taking my own life would be too irresponsible, and I'm too full of it

I want to disappear away from all this mayhem, all this stress and apressed feelings and emotions..

I want to disappear

12:46;

Tuesday 13 October 2015
Heartache

And there I sit, in front of my notes..I couldn't study.. I couldn't sleep.. I couldn't do anything without think why you did what you did..

I felt the intent to die again as I fall into the darkness.. For so long I thought I was loved, when I thought no one else would.. I couldn't do anything.. I gave you the power to hurt me.. And now.. I'm hurt.. By the person I thought who loved me the most

04:45;

Wednesday 16 September 2015
不忍了

不忍了，再也不忍了。

不是忍不下去，

而是再忍，连我都瞧不起自己

该羞耻的人是你

该躲藏闪避的人是你

该请求原谅的人是你

不是我。

02:17;

狗改不了吃屎

妈呀，都这么多年了，还来啊？不累吗？

02:11;

Thursday 4 April 2013
我只是想在你身边

我只是想在你

压力大的时候，陪着你发泄
生气的时候，陪着你一起骂，听你发牢骚
难过的时候，给你说笑话，逗你开心
不想回家的时候，陪你说话，让你感觉好一点
想要个家的时候，用我小小的手和身躯，给你温暖
我只是想在你需要的时候，在你身边陪着你

00:31;